Up until this point, this man, Dave, her
boyfriend/fiancé was a mystery to me. I didn’t spend much time with Julia, but
when I did see her it was at special events, weddings, baby showers, etc. So,
where was this amazing man I had heard so much about?
Fast-forward another year and a half, after having a
baby myself and becoming a doula, I received another email from Melissa which
read, “My friends, Julia & Dave are looking for a doula! You okay with me
giving them your information?” Delighted, I said, “Of course!” We were to meet at
a coffee shop a couple weeks later; it would be my first meeting with Dave.
Nervous with making a good impression to this powerfully
amazing couple, I got there a few minutes early only to find out they were
early too! Of course! We talked over coffee and breakfast and I left feeling I
did my best and that I would just have to wait and see what they thought.
I was so excited to hear that night that they had
decided to go ahead and hire me as their birth doula!
Julia and Dave are active, intelligent, thoughtful,
gracious, capable people. They run their own businesses; successfully take on
home improvement projects; they are pet owners, and they take decision making
seriously. As we met for our prenatal appointments I knew that having a baby
was their most exciting and most important venture yet. The pair of them set
out to have their baby naturally with no pain medication in a hospital setting.
They believed that the risks/side effects of medication on mom and baby were
too great and if they could avoid it, they would. My job would be to help keep Julia calm,
encourage and support both of them, provide medical advocacy, offer ways to
help manage her pain, and to keep them informed about what was happening to her
body and what would be coming next.
The morning of September 6th, I received a
text from Julia, saying that her water might have broken and that she would be
heading into her doctor’s office to confirm. This came as a huge surprise for
me being that it was her first baby and wasn’t due until the 16th. I
had emailed her the night before with a few helpful notes and my contact info
of where I would be the following week – I was leaving for a week-long trip to
San Diego with my extended family and would return on her due date, which we
had discussed at our interview months earlier.
I called my Kind Birth partner, Kristin, and said, “I
can’t believe this… I haven’t quite yet recovered from my last birth, and we
have another baby coming into this world! Must be that darn Blue Moon”! I don’t
care what statistics say about it, the moon’s pull has a direct effect on
pushing mom’s approaching her due date into labor, especially Super, Blue, and
Full! She said, “Wow! I guess you scared that baby out by telling her you were
going on vacation. You should go on vacation more often!!”
Still, having just come off a whirlwind 2-hour labor
with a previous client, I resigned to the norm on my current client. I thought,
okay, maybe this baby is coming now, or maybe she’s coming tonight. I didn’t
have my things with me, so if I had to leave, I would have to grab some lotion,
a snack, and get gas.
Around 9:30 AM, Julia’s doctor confirmed her water had
broken and that they would monitor baby for a bit and then be released to go
home and walk around her neighborhood to try and get things moving. She had
scheduled an appointment at 1 to install her baby’s car seat, and luckily was
able to bump her appointment up so she could get the install done and walk
around before she was in real active labor.
11:00 AM, Julia texts me: My contractions are about 4
minutes apart, lasting 1 minute or more. We’re heading to the hospital. I
thought, no way. We are going to repeat Monday’s birth. Due to my most recent
birth experience, and a conversation we had just had about utilizing the
birthing suite at the hospital at our last prenatal meeting, I didn’t deter
them from going, even though, normally, I would encourage mom to hang back and
wait from me to arrive, from what I could tell, she was definitely working, but
not too hard, not vocalizing yet. However, Julia felt more comfortable knowing
she would be at her birth place if baby decided to come sooner rather than
later.
I arrived at the hospital at 12:00 PM, they had been
there for about 30 minutes, and were in the last room available in Triage.
There were so many moms in the maternity ward that day, women who arrived
minutes after Julia and Dave had to wait to be seen. A few contractions later
and minutes after I arrived, the attending Triage nurse checked her. She was
already 4-5 cm dilated and 100% effaced. Fantastic! Things were moving along
wonderfully. They told her there weren’t any beds available yet and that she
would need to walk around the ward for about an hour. Surprised at the wait,
Julia looked to me for reassurance. I reminded her that this was what she
wanted, the ability to move and walk and do what she needed to do in order to
move things along and feel in control and comfortable. I told her it was a good
thing and she’d make some progress while they were preparing her room! She
agreed and so Dave, Julia, and I roamed the halls for a little over an hour. We
talked about how this first part of labor was opening her cervix and that these
contractions, although obviously present, were in fact light compared to what
was to come. So, only give these contractions the attention they deserve.
Finally for Julia’s sake, a room and a sweet labor and
delivery nurse was available. The nurse grabbed most of our things and led us
to the room. Julia answered all the nurse’s regular questions and handed the
nurse her birth plan. After some confusion and agreement to not burry her placenta,
the waiver was given to Dave and Julia, which was signed and approved so they
could have Julia’s placenta encapsulated. Ok, side note, hospital policies are
sometimes funny and strange, but this one takes the cake!
Julia continued to labor and progress lovely. She was strong and let her body do the work.
Around 2, she was confirmed to be 7 cm. Yay! She was feeling great too. Her
contraction pattern was still very regular and seemingly manageable. We agreed
that she should wait a little longer before getting in the tub. Dave, Julia and
I worked on some ways to keep her body moving and opening up. She swayed back
and forth, did plie squats, walked around, leaned over the ball, leaned over
the bed, and danced with Dave. It was beautiful. The way that Dave was able to jump
right in and speak to Julia in a quiet, calm, reassuring way was amazing. I remember him saying, “You can do this,
you’re okay.” And Julia would repeat phrases that stood out to her in a
whisper, “We can do this, I’m okay.” This still gives me chills. I mean self
talk happens when things are tough, but the way she was doing was more of a
mantra or chanting and very powerful. It created this amazing energy in the
room. I stopped many times to let the pair of them work together, taking in their
beautiful connection. How strong they were as individuals and as partners. They
were going to make fabulous parents, and really enjoy the transformation. She
got in the tub after a while, and labored for about 30 minutes there, she
thought it felt so great. The warmth and displacement of the water was a great
change of pace for her. It gave her body new sensations and took some pressure
off of her pelvis and legs.
At about 5 PM, Julia got out and walked around a bit,
exercising and enjoying these last few moments in waiting. After another hour,
she got to a point where she was feeling pretty tired. She sat down in the
rocking chair and I said, “Close your eyes, and relax as much as you can”. It
was amazing, she became so relaxed that her body decided to slow down for about
an hour and give her about 20 minutes of sleep in between contractions. Once
she felt somewhat rested, she was ready to get up and move around again.
We worked together for another hour while her contractions
picked up. She was handling them beautifully, although, they were extremely
challenging and really starting to build momentum. She felt some heavier
pressure and a slight urge to push! The doc came and checked her, she was 9 cm!
She labored, walking, dancing, sitting, rocking for another two hours,
contractions building and was checked again. She was slightly more than 9 cm,
but not much change. That’s when the doc thought she might get in the tub for a
bit again and try and relax as much as possible and see if her body couldn’t
finish that last centimeter of cervix. After about 30 more minutes in the tub,
she was ready to get out and cool down. Do something different. She had about
three contractions from the tub to the bed. After about another hour, she was
so close, the doc thought he could help complete that last bit of cervix out of
the way. It worked. Finally, at 11:30 PM, hard working, amazing Julia was she
was 10 cm and ready to push.
Pushing is not always a very easy task. It sometimes feels
strange, and you really have to learn as you go, especially for a first time
mom who’s never done it before. And as strong and committed as Julia was, that
little baby was stubbornly coming tiny tiny bits at a time. I suggested that we
try squatting and leaning over the bed, but by this time, Julia was pretty
tired and felt more comfortable in a reclined seated squat. With Dave focused
on her eyes and counting 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 while she held her breath, she
pushed and pushed. Finally, we saw her little head! Lots of hair. “That’s it
Julia, that’s it. Hold it! Hold it! Give me more Julia. Come on, come on!” I
almost have to talk through this portion of labor to keep from holding my own
breath and pushing myself. I know what it’s like. I also know what it’s like on
the other side of the pain when you get to hold your baby for the first time
too – surreal. “Ok, Julia, come on. This time, you’re going to take a couple of
cleansing breaths and you’re going to really push through the pain. You can do
this. You’re strong. You’re okay.”“We can do this. I’m strong. I’m okay.” Julia said. “Okay baby, ready, okay, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10…” Breath in, hold again, “1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10… deep breath, hold again, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10… Dave counted her though again. Ok, go ahead if you want to go again, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,” the Nurse said. “Good! Great job Julia, that’s it. Dave, look at your baby’s head. She’s right there. She’s coming!!!” The new nurse and I were saying almost simultaneously. The energy was intense.
Julia said to her baby, “Come on Ella! Come on BABY!!!”
A few more rounds of contractions, and 1:15 AM rolled around, “Okay, Julia, she’s right there. This next contraction I really want you to use it…” Another few sets of contractions and with a couple super-pushes, she pushed that baby into crowning position. With a few more, “GET OUT BABY” pushes at about 1:45 AM Julia’s baby’s head was out!! 1:47 PM, little Ella joined the world.
Oh my, gosh, what an amazing feat. Julia had endured 14 hours of active labor and a little over two hours of pushing. Julia’s perseverance and hard work paired with strong support from her birth team including her amazing husband who was there for her in the toughest times, finally paid off.
They placed Ella on Julia’s chest. Julia looked at her baby with awe and relief, and within seconds of the most amazing moment, a concerned feeling arose. The doctor instructed the nurses to have Dave cut the cord immediately and then move her to the warming table to help clear her lungs. Ella wasn’t quite breathing enough, grunting a little, they felt they needed to act fast, and that they did. The nurses fed a long skinny tube down her esophagus to remove any remaining fluid in her lungs. I kept Julia’s focus on me while Dave seemingly had everything under control and while the nurses encouraged Ella to breathe better. I didn’t know it at the time, but Dave was extremely concerned with Ella’s condition and wasn’t sure what was going to happen next. Although the staff did what needed to be done, had we known what and why they were doing what they were doing so urgently, (a common lack of communication commonly practiced at the hospital), the two new parents would have felt much more at ease. I was confident that she was going to be okay, although, I couldn’t really tell them exactly what was happening either, I just knew that she had “pinked” up right away, and I could hear her, I tried to assure Julia Ella would be okay, and noted every time she moved and made more and louder and louder noises. I asked Julia to breathe and felt her relax slightly knowing that things were under control. She was still in the process of finishing her third stage of labor as the nurses encouraged Ella to take her first full, deep breaths, they were rubbing her body and talking to her, after about 20-30 seconds, and some definite cries, a sure sign she was breathing normally, they had Dave take some photos. The nurses quickly examined her, and finally after what seemed like an eternity, but probably less than a minute, little Ella was placed back in the arms of her mother. “My baby!” Julia said. “Hello Ella. Hello Baby Ella.” Sigh of relief…and then back to amazement!
As soon as Ella was about 15 minutes new, we tried breastfeeding for a little bit. She wasn’t making a sucking motion with her mouth quite yet, but she was looking for food. Julia hadn’t quite finished the final stage of labor. We gave the two a break to let mom enjoy the little one while her body completed its process. We tried again, and saw some good progress! Another 5-10 min try with a little more progress, but not quite latching on, Ella was getting a little frustrated with all the movement and effort so we thought it best to give the two another rest.
We moved Ella upright, with her head and tummy against Julia’s chest. She melted into Julia’s warm skin and was comforted by the familiar thump of her heartbeat. Ella was calm again, and that’s when I saw it, that moment when husband and wife become Mommy and Daddy. It was beautiful. While Mom was comforting Ella, Dad was comforting Mom and had his hand on his new baby’s back. The new parents looked at each other, and without even saying a word you could see everything they were feeling at that moment. I could see love, relief, and the amazement of new life, the pride Dave felt for his wife, the realization of hard work and determination paying off, the gratitude they felt for a healthy baby, and to have gone through it all together. I think they were in as much awe of their experience as I was (they were probably more in awe of their baby than their experience, but we’ll just say they were certainly aware of the amazing effort and equally extreme relief and love they felt once baby and mom were relaxing and enjoying each other’s presence). What a beautiful memory they have for themselves and have also given to me.
After about an hour and a half of gawking over the new baby
and recounting Julia’s strength and determination and Dave’s supportive nature,
I decided it was time to let the new family have a rest. The next morning, I
checked in at around 10, and was so pleased to hear that Ella had had 2
successful nursings! Yay!! I knew she would do it! What an amazing little
girl, and amazing parents! They three are home now, with a thriving baby, and
loving every moment of their new world together.
Welcome baby Ella!
